Tuesday, April 12, 2011

10 Things--World Domination

I couldn't wait for Friday to post this one.

The second installment of 10 Things involves an idea that's been at the forefront of my mind this past week: World Domination. No, I haven't been reading comic books. I'm serious. I have compiled a list of the top 10 reasons and rules for my World Domination plans, in no particular order.

1) I'd begin with a platform of honesty. I will make no promises I cannot keep. Forget lower taxes and elimination of the national debt. I'm only interested in personal gain and want to be upfront about that.

2) No politics whatsoever. I won't campaign. I won't take out obnoxious ads or indulge in a smear campaign. You don't have to vote. In fact, I won't give you a choice. I'll just take over. Simple, right?

3) No division among the classes. I would be the Queen of Everyone. You would be my minions. You would be allowed one group called ME. Minion Equality (ME) would be responsible for making all minions feel equally subservient. To me.

4) Education would be required. My minions must all read and write. The Queen of Everyone has an image to uphold. Intelligent minions are a must.

5) One minion would hold the esteemed position of He Who Kills Spiders For the Queen of Everyone. To simplify, I would call you "Bob" which doesn't stand for anything, it's just easy for me to remember.

6) Reality shows would be banned. Forever. Remember, intelligent minions are a must.

7) Chocolate Fridays will become law. Every Friday meal must have chocolate listed as the main ingredient. Why? Because I'm the Queen of Everyone and I happen to love chocolate.

8) All minions must be able to spell and use proper grammar. Anyone caught using "text speak" or some variation will be forced to read the complete works of Shakespeare and translate each line into "text speak." Ten times.
9) A minion group known as MIU--Minions in Uniform--will be established. This minion group will still be viewed as equal to other minions. However, MIU members will be ogled. Often. MIU will also perform various tasks that require heavy lifting, bending, twisting and flexing.

10) All minions will be eligible for benefits including but not limited to medical, dental, vacation, sick time and obnoxiously large bonuses. Why? Because I understand that a happy minion is a productive minion.

If you're considering World Domination, you're welcome to use any of the above ideas. Keep in mind, I will use them against you when I eventually rule the world. Until then, best of luck with your grand plans.

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